20 May 2012 : Losing battles to win the war….

So I have been counting all my losses in this fight with cancer… ! A fight that I did not start and do not want to fight. I dont have a point to prove , I dont want to show the world or the cancer or myself anything. I dont want to pretend that I am brave and strong and confident, when inside I am just angry. Angry at way my life was taken away from me. I mean I am a good person, was going about ,minding my own business. And just like that … WHAM… someone said you have cancer .. and now fight it. I mean WTF????

Anyway back to the point, my losses :

My breast : I mean here I am deciding between chopping of my breast or just losing my nipple and exposing myself to radiation everyday for 6 weeks. Either way, no matter how I look at it, it WONT be the same. Maybe eventually when I am 60 it wont matter, but it does now. 

Chemo : Yesterday I found out that chemo causes WEIGHT GAIN. I mean seriously … like I did not have enuf weight problems anyway. So, soon I am going to be a short, bald , fat woman…!!! Again WTF… ??? (Yes, yes, I know its really funny if its not happening to you..!! Dont you DARE tell me its funny)

Hormone therapy : For 5 years… means no babies for 5 years..!! Not that I was planning on making any.. but still I hate being told I cant make them.



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