31 May 2012 : 3 days after

Its hard to believe that my surgery was three days ago. I have been sleeping through much of this. (Thank you pain killers)

But today has been a good day. I have stopped taking the pain killers, and am moving my arm. If I try hard I can move my arm almost completely. But strength wise its very very weak. I tried to put in the power plug of my laptop with my bad arm, and it took me like 20 secs before I could manage to shove it in.

I also met with my surgeon again today, and she redid the dressing for the wounds. The armpit one hurts the most. The full histopathology report is back. Mostly on the lines as we expected, except that the cancer is actually a grade 3. (more aggressive than we initially thought). The Stage is confirmed at IIA. 

I have setup an appt with the oncologist for Tuesday. 

It will be a very long time before I forget the day I opened the test result report to see that I have cancer. I have a mortal fear of diagnostic test results now. Every time I have  a report or result due, I am certain that it will show the worst. I work myself into a panic every-time, every single time. 

It still seems strange that I have to get sick in order to get better. In fact this feeling is worsened knowing that the cancer is no longer inside me. That the main treatment is done. All the treatment that comes now is to ensure that the cancer does not come back and to give me a better long term prognosis. But after all these treatments will I ever be able to rest easy? Will I not worry about every ache pain, lump ,  I don’t think so. Seems kinda pointless no then? 

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